Dear Matthew,
Today, a little bratty boy made you cry at the Burger King playland. He screamed "get out" in your face the first 5 times or so that you tried to climb up the plastic maze. And I mean SCREAMED. His parents did nothing, so I went over and asked the three year old idiot face to please stop yelling. He yelled even more and frankly, you were afraid of him. His mother came over to see what I was saying and I politely said "would you please ask him to stop yelling, he's scaring my son?" to which she replied "he's not doing anything, he can play any way he wants to. " I reiterated that in fact he was screaming in your face everytime you tried to pass him and she denied that he was. I sat up straighter in my chair, resolute that we were not leaving and told you to ignore him and go all the way to the top and play, that he wasn't even big enough to follow you all the way up. You know what the best part was? Five minutes later, the little punk came down and went and got his binky and plopped it in his little foul mouth and you laughed and said "oh my gosh- look mom! he's a little baby!!" and I steamed to myself, "that's right, a little, punk baby who doesn't know any better because his mom is a crass, low life, insolent idiot."
I know I've made many choices that have ended so poorly in my life, but Matthew- I am so proud of you as my son. I have never seen you be mean to anyone. ever. I have seen you comfort other children and share with them and love them. I don't think you have a mean bone in your body, and I know your brother doesn't either. I always want you to be the kid who gives someone a hand- the kid who helps someone who's fallen or gives someone your blankie if they're cold. You are such a smart boy. All day long, every day, you sound words out and you know phonics better than most kids in elementary school. You love to learn and you love to have fun. Laughing with you is one of the things that makes me the happiest in this life of uncertainty and heartache. I chased you around the park for a good hour after the bratty kid incident and you amaze me with your coordination and agility. You are the fastest little runner I've ever seen. Sometimes, I take you to the gym with me and you'll run a few laps until you tire. I seriously can't keep up with you on the first lap. You fly.
Today, a little bratty boy made you cry at the Burger King playland. He screamed "get out" in your face the first 5 times or so that you tried to climb up the plastic maze. And I mean SCREAMED. His parents did nothing, so I went over and asked the three year old idiot face to please stop yelling. He yelled even more and frankly, you were afraid of him. His mother came over to see what I was saying and I politely said "would you please ask him to stop yelling, he's scaring my son?" to which she replied "he's not doing anything, he can play any way he wants to. " I reiterated that in fact he was screaming in your face everytime you tried to pass him and she denied that he was. I sat up straighter in my chair, resolute that we were not leaving and told you to ignore him and go all the way to the top and play, that he wasn't even big enough to follow you all the way up. You know what the best part was? Five minutes later, the little punk came down and went and got his binky and plopped it in his little foul mouth and you laughed and said "oh my gosh- look mom! he's a little baby!!" and I steamed to myself, "that's right, a little, punk baby who doesn't know any better because his mom is a crass, low life, insolent idiot."
I know I've made many choices that have ended so poorly in my life, but Matthew- I am so proud of you as my son. I have never seen you be mean to anyone. ever. I have seen you comfort other children and share with them and love them. I don't think you have a mean bone in your body, and I know your brother doesn't either. I always want you to be the kid who gives someone a hand- the kid who helps someone who's fallen or gives someone your blankie if they're cold. You are such a smart boy. All day long, every day, you sound words out and you know phonics better than most kids in elementary school. You love to learn and you love to have fun. Laughing with you is one of the things that makes me the happiest in this life of uncertainty and heartache. I chased you around the park for a good hour after the bratty kid incident and you amaze me with your coordination and agility. You are the fastest little runner I've ever seen. Sometimes, I take you to the gym with me and you'll run a few laps until you tire. I seriously can't keep up with you on the first lap. You fly.
Taylor,
I love you. I was so sad last week when you cried on the phone over your grade in science class. I miss you so much every day, and Matthew does, too. There is never a day that I'm not acutely aware that I little chunk of my heart isn't here, but he's in Colorado. You have been such a treasure in my life. When you are home in the summer or holidays, I love staying up with you, snuggled up on the couch watching Discovery or History channel. I love that you have a passion for that kind of stuff. I so miss the days when you were a little towheaded toddler with your chocolate eyes. I don't know where the time has gone. Now you wear contacts!!
A few weeks ago, you made me so proud as a mother. You were so excited when I called you because you wanted to tell me that you had found out a girl in your class had a crush on you. You know why that made me so happy and so proud? It was because you trusted me. You trusted me with your pre-teen puppy love story and felt secure in sharing your excitement with me, and I was so happy for you. That was a moment I will never forget. I could've never told my mother something like that for fear of getting in trouble. I have always told you that you can talk to me about anything and I won't get mad and I will always love you. Thank you for trusting me. You are my gem. I will always listen to you and love you no matter what.
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